Episode 5: Disability Belongs in the Community

00:00:00 Cami Marble

Welcome to the Disability Belongs Podcast.

[violin music]

00:00:03 Cami Marble

Today's episode is super exciting because we have not one, but two guests with us.

We have Tatum Tricarico, who is on our first episode with us, and we also have Jenn Barnes, and I think I'm going to affectionately just nickname this episode the Tatum’s roommates episode because I was Tatum roommate in college and now Jenn is currently Tatum's roommate. So this is going to be a lot of fun and like we always do, gotta get those fun facts in there.

Jenn's Fun fact is that she likes the color pink. Her glasses have pink on them. They are awesome and I’m looking at them right now. And Tatum’s bonus fun fact 'cause we got one the first episode is that her name came from looking like a tater tot in the womb? Is that correct, Tatum?

00:00:56 Tatum Tricarico

In the ultrasound, yes. Tatum from tater tot.

00:01:00 Cami Marble

That is great. I don't know that I know anyone else that was named after a tater tot.

00:01:03 Tatum Tricarico

I hope you don't.

00:01:06 Cami Marble

How are you doing today?

00:01:08 Jenn Barnes

I'm doing good!

00:01:11 Tatum Tricarico

I'm doing really well! I'm excited that you guys get to meet!

00:01:13 Cami Marble

Yeah, we finally get to meet on...virtually, not quite in person yet.

00:01:17 Tatum Tricarico

One day, one day.

00:01:20 Cami Marble

So, since we have this weird roommate triangle going here, great, I thought we would start off by asking, do you have any good roommate stories to share?

So, Jenn, do you have any good roommate stories about Tatum?

00:01:34 Jenn Barnes

Well, one story, there is that. She takes me, she, I think it was yesterday we tried to go to coffee but we discovered that the we got there past closing time and.

00:01:46 Tatum Tricarico

Yup.

00:01:55 Jenn Barnes

So we can’t actually go in because it was closed and everything for the day and. And so we went to a different coffee shop and everything to like hang out and everything instead then.

And I think that that's all I can think of right now.

00:02:14 Tatum Tricarico

That was fun. Nice, that was fun.

00:02:17 Cami Marble

I like that one! That was kind of funny, because I don't, at least unless this has changed recently, I don't think Tatum's a coffee drinker?

00:02:24 Tatum Tricarico

Not really, no.

00:02:25 Cami Marble

But I feel like you're like a coffee. You're like a social coffee shop goer, but not a coffee drinker? I don’t know.

00:02:31 Tatum Tricarico

When we went to the coffee shop, four of us went. Nobody got coffee.

00:02:38 Cami Marble

That is great!

00:02:39 Tatum Tricarico

We got waters and sodas and a bunch of other things, but not coffee.

00:02:44 Cami Marble

That's funny! Tatum?

00:02:46 Tatum Tricarico

Yeah.

00:02:47 Cami Marble

Do you have stories about the two of us? Probably not together ‘cause we haven’t met, but.

00:02:49 Tatum Tricarico

Yes! I was thinking about this earlier, um, I I'll start with you [Jenn], 'cause you did me. I don't know if I have like a top story, but definitely going and seeing the plays has been really fun.

And then then um…when we recorded that video early on in the year was really fun, um.

And then I don't know, I think the day that we went to the mall and the Nicolas Cage movie. And just like just hung out all day with like us and then Laura, Rebekah and that was just so good. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, that's probably top couple.

And then Cami.

00:03:31 Cami Marble

I'm like you guys get out a lot, all these fun adventures!

00:03:34 Tatum Tricarico

We’re really all over the place, it’s great!

00:03:37 Tatum Tricarico

And then Cami. I think one of my top ones specifically in roommate time with you was...and I don't know if this is the one that you would say too, but when we did our mobility aid photoshoot.

Because I, I had my cane and she had her wheelchair and it was like what? Like, I don't know, like 11:00 o'clock at night?

00:03:59 Cami Marble

Oh yeah, it was very late.

00:03:59 Tatum Tricarico

We were kind of like, go around the campus and like, see which parts of the campus were and weren't accessible to different things.

00:04:00 Cami Marble

Spoiler alert: none of them are accessible.

00:04:08 Tatum Tricarico

None of them are accessible, but it was a fun, like. I don't know. We were nerds and we were like, this will be fun. And then we took a bunch of pictures like but the specifically the like timer pictures. So we would like set the phone and then we would like run out and like. It was really fun.

And then ordering square pizza with you every other Friday night?

00:04:29 Cami Marble

Yeah, I don't know. It was like very often and we had a very specific order on Uber eats and like after the first couple times where like, they're totally judging us for our order every time we order they’re like, “oh, these people again.”

00:04:43 Tatum Tricarico

Like, yeah.

00:04:43 Cami Marble

With their gluten free, sauceless pizza.

00:04:45 Tatum Tricarico

Yeah, we had very particular order that we were just like repeat. Yep.

00:04:52 Cami Marble

Yeah, I miss square pizza.

00:04:54 Tatum Tricarico

And now you have to give your favorite roommate story with me!

00:04:57 Cami Marble

Okay. The one that keeps coming to mind is the ongoing Easter egg hunt.

00:05:03 Tatum Tricarico

Yeah, I forgot about that.

00:05:05 Cami Marble

Tatum got a bunch of Easter eggs from her family. Is that how that happened?

00:05:08 Tatum Tricarico

Yup, my mom brought them. Yup.

00:05:10 Cami Marble

And then she, oh, she asked what Jelly beans I could eat out of like very specific Jelly beans. And then she picked through the colors because I could only eat certain colors, which that sounds really strange, but like I couldn't eat this particular like food dye. It was like a natural food dye, but I couldn't eat that ingredient and so she picked through and got just the orange, pink and yellow ones out. And then hid them in like very challenging places, like one of them was in my box of rice in the freezer.

And like, like and this was not just like 20 minute Easter egg hunt that I like went around and collected them all. No, it was like a week long of me being like there is an egg in my sock, great. And if Tatum wasn't like in the apartment at that time, I would text her a picture and she’d be like “Where’d you find that one?”

So that was a lot of fun! And then after that I filled the eggs with happy Tatum affirmations. One of them was just I am blind, which I think was my personal favorite.

00:06:22 Tatum Tricarico

Yes, that was good! Yeah, because it was like, “I am loved”, “I am good”, “I am powerful” and then “I am blind,” and I was like this is so good.

00:06:31 Cami Marble

So that was a lot of fun! Also, the story that you told about the mobility aid photoshoot right before that we had gone around campus and there's this one spot on campus...you forgot the best part, yeah...there, there's a ramp and I'm I was using my wheelchair. So there's a ramp and I was like, let's see what's wheelchair accessible! There’s a ramp that goes up to this like patio area and there are no less than like 6 flights of stairs. Like there's a flight of stairs down to the tennis courts and then up to another area and I was like, what was the purpose of this ramp because you literally can't get anywhere after this! And this like security guard guy 'cause, it was, again like 10:00 o'clock at night when we decided to do this was like “there's a ramp over there” and we're “like, yeah, we know, we're just exploring.”

00:07:23 Tatum Tricarico

He's like, “there's a ramp over there.” We're like, “yes, we took it up here and now we can't get anywhere from here.” Yeah, it was, yeah, very funny and he was very confused.

00:07:31 Cami Marble

So, what led the two of you to live at Friendship House?

00:07:37 Jenn Barnes

Well, for me, what led me to be living here is, like I was living with my parents, basically, until I started living here and everything, like basically my whole life and everything.

We then, when I was still...we didn't know about Friendship House and everything until we moved, until my parents and I moved down here and all.

And all So what led me here was my parents first thought about Friendship House, then they told me about it and everything. And so what led me to start living here was the people, mainly, because all the people who live here know what it's like to live with a disability and, and all. And I really liked that because if I didn’t find the people who currently live here, I would still be living under my parent’s roof and yeah, everything, which I kind of don’t like because even though I do love my parents a lot and think I kind of do like having my own space then everything that's not their roof and everything and.

00:09:08 Tatum Tricarico

Yeah, I think I actually, technically speaking, heard of it from my mom too. She's very excited that she found it. Um, and I, I had, like, been, like doing a lot of disability theology already in undergrad and so then I was like, I like heard about houses like this and I was like, I gotta do this, like, this is going to be really interesting and so I was super excited, um, to like kind of get to like, I don't know, be part of it, just 'cause...And then I think also partly because I went, Cami, from living with you and I was like, oh, I really like living in, like, not that was like an intentional disability space, but I was like.

00:09:50 Cami Marble

No, it was.

00:09:51 Tatum Tricarico

I was like I like living with people who get this and like I don't want to be like the only person who, like, understands disability and disability culture and stuff in a space. And so it was just like a super natural sort of thing for me to be like, yes, this is where I want to live and I'm super excited that I got to and it's been really great.

00:10:08 Cami Marble

So that leads us kind of perfectly into the next question, which is how does disability impact relationships when living as roommates or living in community?

00:10:19 Jenn Barnes

Well, for me, I kind of really have to let a person know that I have a disability in order for them to know what makes me and everything and on, if they don't know that fact about me then they might treat me a little bit differently, and all. So after I've let them know that I have a disability, they have to treat me in a certain way that would be right for a person like myself with a disability and everything, because there are some people out there that aren’t nice to be with disabilities and everything, which is just wrong and yeah and everything and, and all, so. I think that’s all I have to say.

00:11:21 Tatum Tricarico

Yeah, I think, yeah, pretty similar with me, I think I, like, letting people know, like, kind of that, like, first step of like when people are like, oh, we like...I saw a thing on actually on the Internet right before this that was like, see the person and the disability. And I thought that was really helpful 'cause it was like you're not ignoring like that part of who we are, and so I think. I think it kind of impacts relationships for me in that I know I, I don't know, I know better. I think because I'm Disabled, I know better how to connect with people, if that makes sense.

Like I feel like I, I think I figured this out probably especially when I was living with you, Cami and then now it's like at play here, too. But I think like I'm aware of, like, hopefully at least, little things that like, I guess the two of you would probably know, but I'm aware of like little things that I feel like are really important in living in relationship, but I don't think um, I would have necessarily been without a disability, just like knowing like there's particular things that I need, but there's also particular things that, like everybody else needs and kind of like balancing those things has been a really huge part of, I think it's just a really huge part of being a roommate in general.

00:12:42 Cami Marble

Kind of just in existing.

00:12:46 Tatum Tricarico

Like in relationship with people, but then I think especially because I know that about myself, then I'm able to like recognize that in other people and like, I don't know, kind of fill that balance or whatever.

I know that wasn't a phrase, but you know.

00:13:01 Cami Marble

Both of you, I don't think intentionally did this, but Jenn, you said that telling people you're Disabled is important because it's what makes you, you. I just really loved that phrase. And then Tatum said a really similar thing of like, disability is so ingrained in who she is, and I guess in who all of us are, that that's like you can't separate that when you're living in a roommate situation. And I think for me that was definitely something I experienced living with a non-disabled roommate and living with a Disabled roommate, is when I lived with a non-disabled roommate it was kind of tricky because I felt like I had to like, apologize for the Disabled part of me or like separate it from myself a little bit, but when I lived with a Disabled roommate, I could be like, hey, come, come be Disabled with me.

That’s also not a phrase, but it'll be a thing. Um, but just like, I didn't feel like I needed to apologize for that part of myself and I shouldn't have to apologize for that part of myself in any circumstance. But when you're living in community with other Disabled people, it's just a lot easier in a lot of ways, which I think people don't realize.

00:14:23 Tatum Tricarico

Yeah, I really agree with that.

00:14:25 Cami Marble

So what have you noticed? Like, what are some differences you've noticed about building relationships in maybe more of like a school setting as compared to in a community living setting? And Tatum this question there's not as like clear cut of boundaries for you I guess because like part of your schooling is community living, um, but any thoughts on that from either of you?

00:14:52 Tatum Tricarico

Yeah, I guess I can answer this one first. I think um I think living like roommate living is just so much more like intimate 'cause you're like doing life together rather than just like being in a classroom for like couple hours or whatever um and I think it's also like mediated, like school situations are mediated by like teachers and like, at least for me at the latter half of high school, mediated by a one-on-one aide and like all of these things. And so there's just more like, I don't know, sort of like people telling you what to do and how to do it, um and then coming and living...and I think even like now in grad school, that's still, still a thing. But then people like coming and living here or living with you in undergrad or whatever um, it's just more like, I don't know, it's more intimate and you kind of get to set the tone of it yourself. And I found actually that, like in school, it's felt a lot more for me, sort of like focus on like independence and like, disconnecting from my disability. Like, I think my school was really like you want to disconnect from your disability and then I found in, like, actual friendships and relationships with like roommates that I've been like, oh, I can actually, like, embrace this part of who I am and so that's been really helpful. Yeah.

00:16:19 Jenn Barnes

Well, for me, I've been like, all my schooling, like, I've been like in like special ed programs, like basically from like elementary school until after I graduated from like Community College and like the post-secondary program that the high school that I went to out in Illinois and everything and all because there wasn't that there wasn’t like...That’s the only kind of schooling I got because of how my brain is in everything and I know I didn't actually go to...I was in like public school up until high school where, where I actually went to like boarding school and everything for that and all. Because they saw like after I finished middle school, they saw that the public high school wasn't gonna be good for me because it didn’t have the special ed program that I needed and everything for myself and I so that was the reason why I went to board, boarding schools for my high schooling and little bit of my college and because of my disability and everything.

00:18:03 Cami Marble

What were your friendships like in those schools?

00:18:06 Jenn Barnes

Well, in the in the boarding schools like, the one I went to in Illinois, I got to hang out with like other learning disabled students and everything because it was a school that was designed specifically for learning disabled students and everything and all and like every single student had a different form of learning disability and like the staff there, they were specially trained to work with learning disabled students and everything. Because they went through specific training in order to like work and teach at this one school and everything and all.

And if I didn't go to that school, I wouldn’t have gotten that kind of education I did and everything and all. And so I'm like really glad I went to that school and everything because it was a really good schooling and all and like, I really recommend that school to anyone who's going through like high school and everything themselves and are learning disabled themselves and everything.

00:19:37 Cami Marble

Thanks for sharing that, that's really interesting to hear.

00:19:39 Jenn Barnes

You're welcome.

00:19:41 Tatum Tricarico

Yeah, it's kind of cool because I like, in high school, was like the bulk of my kind of special education experience, too and so that, I don't know, that's kind of a cool like connection I didn't really anticipate that being a place that I connected with people and I really love that like now I can like, I don’t know, be, I don't know, like excited that that was part of my schooling experience too.

00:20:04 Cami Marble

Yeah, that's really interesting like for Disabled people and non-disabled people all of the like different transitions in life, like high school relationships are pretty different than the relationships that you build in college, which are different than the relationships that you build in the like quote, “real world.”

Still not sure what the real world is, it's definitely in the title of my podcast.

00:20:25 Tatum Tricarico

Oh yeah!

00:20:28 Cami Marble

But if someone figures that out, let me know.

00:20:33 Tatum Tricarico

What’s the, what's the title? Disability Belongs?

00:20:35 Cami Marble

“Disability Belongs: reflections on being disabled in the real world.” Which I mean my take on the real world is that like, Cami Soapbox for the episode because apparently there's always one of these, but my take on the real world is just that everything is the real world, so school is the real world, community is the real world and disability belongs, spoiler alert, in all of those settings, so.

00:21:02 Tatum Tricarico

If you don't know the point of the podcast...

00:21:08 Cami Marble

Fun fact, disability belongs. Period.

00:21:08 Tatum Tricarico

Period. Yes.

00:21:11 Cami Marble

On that note, why is it important for Disabled people to live in community?

00:21:17 Jenn Barnes

Well, I believe if there wasn't a community for Disabled people to live together then, we wouldn't know, like how they interact with other people and everything and probably do really bad stuff to other people and probably to ourselves and everything and all. So, yeah, and if there was a community like this then, the only place I'll be living is under my parent’s roof, which I don't want to be living out of my parent’s roof and everything for the rest of my life and all because I don't know what I would like to do with myself once I like dead and gone and everything and all. That’s the reason why I really like living here where I know what I'm doing and everything and all.

00:22:35 Cami Marble

Yeah, Jenn, do you want to talk a little bit about, like, the relationships that you've built living at Friendship House, like the friendships with Tatum and Rebekah and Alli?

00:22:44 Tatum

You’re just naming roommates that you can remember!

00:22:46 Cami Marble

I'm trying really hard to get roommate names out, and I don't know if I can get any more than that. Sorry, friends.

00:22:53 Jenn Barnes

The thing that I’ve built with Tatum is the fact that she's like my second roommate I've had that came all the way from California and everything and all.

The first one, the first roommate, that I’ve had live with me that came from California, is a girl named Keegan, who I'm going to be in the wedding of this on July 9th and everything. And so when Tatum told me that she's from California, I found that to be, like, really surprising to me because the only other person that I know of that came here all the way from California was Keegan and so knowing that about her was really kind of cool and surprising and all. So yeah, and now I'm like really wondering to myself who's gonna come live with me that's from California next? And everything is the big question on my mind. It’s “How did they find two people from California to come live with a girl like me?” And everything. Like who from California is going to come next?

Yeah, and that’s good and like with my other roommates, they're like really nice people and all and they like and they know how to be around a person with a disability because I tell them that I have a disability and if you treat me in this way, I’ll treat you in that same way and everything because we all deserve to be treated in the way that we want to be treated, and everything. And all, so yeah and you can say what you want to say.

00:25:12 Tatum Tricarico

Yeah, I think for me, I mean similar to you, Jenn, just the fact that, I think a lot about the fact that years ago I probably wouldn't have been given an opportunity to live in community. Um and how like my life would be drastically different and I would be with my parents or institutionalized or some other thing and so I just think about for me personally that that would be like disappointing and then also um I think I like feel very strongly that, like, Disabled people bring a lot to community.

So it's not just like, oh, like it's good for Disabled people to live in the community for their own sake, which is true, but also for the sake of the community, because we like as Disabled people, just like more broadly, we have to like be a lot more creative with how we like, I don't know, like, accommodate and like, interact with the world and like we have like really particular, like ways of, like, thinking about things that are like different from, like abled or neurotypical people or things like that. And so, it just, it's really cool to me how having Disabled people living in the community like changes the community and brings like positive aspects not only to our lives, but also to like the like people. Like everyone else that is living in community with people. Because I think a lot of times it just gets said that, like, I don't know, like, oh, like we have to like, include these people and like, let them in or whatever. But I'm like, no, it's not like letting people do something. It's like, we're like. We're just as valuable and like, not only just as valuable, but like add something more and different, to community that makes it better and so, I don’t know.

00:27:08 Cami Marble

Yeah, like the relationship in community goes multiple ways. It's not just like non-disabled people caring for Disabled people who somehow don't bring anything to the table. Like that doesn't make sense, if you think about it that way. It's that everyone is contributing something to the community, which is why it's so important to be in community with different people and Disabled people

What have people done, and this can be Disabled peers or abled peers, to make you feel welcome and cared for in your community that you're living in?

Yeah, all of us can answer this one. Tatum, do you want to start?

00:27:50 Tatum Tricarico

Okay, um I think, as both of you probably are aware, I'm a really like extroverted, like people-y person and I'm also a really like big words of encouragement person. And so I think like one of the main things that has been really helpful for me in community is like to have, I don't know, just like quality time together and like, getting to do stuff together and like, I don't know, just sort of that, like, even like thinking about going home this summer, just how like, I've had a couple roommates say, like, oh, like, I'll FaceTime you and things like that has felt really good.

And then also, just like I don't know I'm a really big like words of affirmation person so sometimes I really am like, I need you to tell me that we're good.

00:28:39 Cami Marble

Tatum, I'm not mad at you.

00:28:40 Tatum Tricarico

This is the number of times that I need to hear that is ridiculous. But yeah, I think it's like really open communication about like, hey, like we're, we're good. Like, or like your little Easter egg affirmations or whatever is just like, I don't know, those are probably the two ways that I feel most cared for, especially I think especially in living situations, because like when you're living with people it is really hard to not be on good terms and so I think being like really explicitly aware that, like, people want to be spending time with me and people want to be like I I don't know. And like, like telling me that is helpful, but yeah, I don't know.

00:29:19 Cami Marble

Jenn, what about you? Is there like particular things that people do that make you feel really loved in a part of community?

00:29:27 Jenn Barnes

Well, they like, they would like, I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert and so I really like it when people like inviting me out to like do stuff with them, like walk places or go places with them and everything. Like if they were going to see like a movie or something, I would definitely join in on that and everything. Otherwise I'll be like probably doing something in my room or doing something by myself and all, so. I especially like when people like inviting me to do stuff with them, like go see a movie or like, play a board game or whatever and all, I really like that. And otherwise, I’d be doing either be on my phone or doing something on my computer or whatever, and not hanging out with people and everything.

00:30:38 Cami Marble

Jenn, I'm also definitely an introvert. I don't know how Tatum, Tatum is something like an introvert magnet. She's like the most extroverted extrovert possibly that I know and she just, like, adopts us little introverts.

00:30:53 Tatum Tricarico

I know I feel like a bulk of like my like core best friend group is introverted and I'm like okay, okay.

No, I think here's what it is, is all like I’ll have maybe like maybe my top like 5 friends are all introverts and then I'll just hang out with people one at a time and I'll be like, we’ll, like watch something and then I'll go on the phone and talk to Cami, and then I'll hang out with Rebecca, so I'm getting all of the extrovert, like.

00:31:20 Cami Marble

Yeah, you get all of the energy from all of us and then we just get like Tatum Energy, and that's like, yes, we've gotten all of our people energy.

00:31:27 Tatum Tricarico

I feel like I bounce between. I didn't even realize that I did that until right now. But yeah, I really bounce between like a solid like 3 or 4 introverted people all the, at all times. That's just like my, that's my life. There you go. We’re learning things about ourselves!

00:31:42 Cami Marble

Yeah, well, learning things and podcasting, wow!

I think, okay, I'm gonna answer this question, I don't know if I get to do that as the interviewer. Or is that how it works?

I think for me it's been really like special, for lack of a better word, when people recognize or remember things like dietary restrictions or something that like I need done, or checking, like remembering the date of a doctor's appointment or something. Just like little things where people check in or like, like when Tatum sorted jelly beans for me. Like that makes my heart so happy because it was. I mean, it was definitely extra work for you, but like, it wasn't this, like, was a giant grand gesture. It was just a little thing. I was like, aw, like, I know you care and I know you like remember what I need and that makes me happy.

00:32:40 Tatum Tricarico

So, I want to jump on that because I feel very similarly, and this fits in with the conversation that we're having, but when I went into undergrad, when I first like the first opportunity that I had to have roommates. I lived in a single because the like disability accommodation office people said that I wouldn't be able to find roommates who would tell me if they're turning on and off the light, because it hurts. If light comes on and I'm not like aware that it's coming on it makes my eyes hurt and so having. So, I was told that, like, nobody is going to do that for you, like whatever. And so I didn't expect people do that to me. So, I lived by myself as a very extroverted extrovert for two years and then started living with roommates and so I still like I think I mentioned this like 2 days ago when people were over, when people tell me they're turning on and off the light, it's like not a big deal, but I still I'm like aw, you remembered! So, like, I know like you knew this thing about me and it, like you, like, did the little thing that it took to, like, make it so that I don't have to be in pain and that's like, really huge. And I think, like, I don't know, there's just been so many times that people have told me, oh, like, people aren't going to do that, they're not going to remember and I'm like, no, like, people are cool and they have and that's been like really huge for me.

00:33:56 Cami Marble

And it’s not going to be like, “No. I won’t accommodate you.” You find the people that do and those are like, those are your people. You don't want to be around the people that refuse to do things that are helpful for you.

So, switching gears a little bit, going back to kind of Friendship House specifics. This is a two-part question so I'll ask both parts and then I can re-ask them again because two-part questions are just so hard to remember all of the parts of, but, what do you like about living in Friendship House and what are some things that you wish you could change? Jenn, do you want to go first?

00:34:37 Jenn Barnes

Yeah, I’ll go first. Well, I like how Friendship House is a place where people with disabilities can live together and everything and how this is where Disabled people can live together and like, enjoy life together and all and everything and you know, just enjoy life and just being together.

And like one thing I would change about, it is besides the color pink and everything, I also like animals a lot. I'm a big animal lover and everything and I think that would change is right now we can't have animals. We can't have like any sort of like pet and everything in the house but I would like to.

One thing I would change is, is the no animal rule and like the no pet rule and everything because like I really would like to have a pet black cat. And then the reason behind that is I'm really big Carolina Panthers fan and their mascot is a black cat named Sir Purr and everything and that is the reason why I really want a black cat of my own and everything.

And like I really know how to take care of animals because before I lived here, I lived with my parents and we lived up in Connecticut and we have like a black dog and everything and also. During the whole time we were living up there and everything, so I really know how to be responsible taking care of a pet and everything. That’s the reason why I really want a pet black cat and everything and I’m really mad that I can’t have one while living here because Friendship House doesn't allow pets, and everything, which is not good in my opinion, but, oh well. I can’t change that and everything.

00:37:24 Cami Marble

That would be really awesome if you could have a pet. I feel like that, like if you got a black cat or any kind of pet, that pet would just be so loved. Like you there would be so much love for that animal.

00:37:36 Jenn Barnes

Yeah, that's why it's like the reason why I’m a big animal lover is because. That’s the reason why I...whenever I see like pictures or video or anything of animals being like abused and mistreated, that really like hurts my heart. Because in my heart I really believe that any kind of animal is put on this earth by God to be treated and loved with the kind of love and respect you would give to your fellow human being and everything, because why else would have God created animals? Except to be loved and treated with the utmost respect and everything that you would give to your fellow human and everything.

00:38:33 Tatum Tricarico

Very true.

00:38:34 Cami Marble

Jenn, can I show you a picture of my dog?

00:38:36 Tatum Tricarico

Yeah, I was gonna say we have to introduce Mudge!

00:38:42 Jenn Barnes

Aw! So cute!

00:38:43 Cami Marble

After we finished the interview, I can go grab him. I'll, I'll bring him in here. Despite the fact that he looks like a very sad like very sad puppy. He just always looks sad.

00:38:55 Jenn Barnes

That's the same thing like with like, in my opinion, that's what I think about like say basset hounds. They always look sad and everything and all, which I don't know why, but to me they just always look so sad all the time!

00:39:14 Cami Marble

I always say that Mudge is just a sad pound puppy. Like he's one of those puppies in sad, sad animal commercials and I'm like, he lives a good life. He's not actually sad. He just looks really sad. Except if he if he runs like, if he's standing up, he like when he wags his tail, his whole butt wiggles, so then he looks happy.

Tatum, what about you? What do you like about friendship house? And maybe what would you change?

00:39:42 Tatum Tricarico

Okay, um.  I like, I think similar the community, um, I was really nervous coming in, like really nervous coming in that I was not going to have like good community and good relationships and I think all like eight people in the girls house. Well, I'm 8, so seven, well, I don't know, I have a good relationship with myself. All 7 other people in the girls house I'm like really close with now and that just like has, I don't know. That's been so huge for me and so helpful for me, especially moving so far away. And so yeah, I think that's been a huge thing. And I think it's already been fun to notice the ways that, like, those relationships are, like, impacting me and like, even, like, we were talking before about like, I've already picked up on like, I picked up on things when I was living with you, Cami, that, like I'll say or do or whatever. And then I've already done that with people here and like, I don't know, it's just cool. And like to know, just knowing that these relationships are going to like continue has been really exciting for me.

And then to change, I'm still like pretty new to the scene because I've only been here a year, but I guess I think um, I kind of, I guess my consistent always thing is that, like, I'm just always like more disability pride. And so I think we could move from kind of like acceptance and tolerance of disability to like a sort of like disability pride like thing, I say with my giant disability pride flag right above us. But like, I think, embracing like conversation around disability and like excitement around it. Like, I feel like there's like a lot of acceptance and stuff, but being like, no, like this is who we are and like, we're excited about that. And like this, like, getting to just be like, yeah, like, this is part of life and like, we're not going to be awkward about it, and we're not going to like, whatever and just like it to dive into that would be really cool. And I think I yeah, I think I've gotten to do that some here and I got to do that a lot when I was living with you, Cami, and so like getting to do that a little bit more would be cool, yeah.

00:41:46 Cami Marble

That's awesome. We are getting close to the end of the time that we have recording here. Um, that wasn't a sentence That’s okay. It was almost grammar.

00:41:56 Tatum Tricarico

I say that all the time! “Yeah, that wasn't a sentence.”

00:42:01 Cami Marble

What advice do you have for other Disabled people trying to find community?

00:42:07 Jenn Barnes

Well, kind of advice I have is find the place where you would feel the most comfortable and then, like, don't be afraid to like, speak up for yourself and everything and all because if you don't your whole world might be really awful and everything and you might get like really bad thoughts in your mind and everything. So, if you can find people who are like you, then that's good and everything and like try to find like the kind of crowd that you like and don't hang out with people who would like to do bad things. Then you might end up harming yourself with and everything and all. And I think that's all I have to say.

00:43:17 Tatum Tricarico

I would echo all of that, really. And then yeah, I think you kind of touched on this, but like I would say, like just be yourself. Like, I think we've said this before, but I think a lot of times um, disability gets kind of like stifled and people are like, oh, like you don't want to share that part of yourself or whatever, and like you're not going to feel welcome until your whole self is welcomed in a space and so. Like, be like, allow yourself to be your whole self, even if that's not what people in the past have like told you to do or whatever. Like if that feels authentic to who you are, then like take up that space and then you'll like attract the people that work for you, you know. So I think that's, I don't know, that's really huge for me.

00:44:03 Cami Marble

I really love those answers. Can I just repeat that you just said “If your whole self is not welcome, you are not welcome.” Like you're not welcome until your whole self is welcome. I just really love that, and I think we should put that on a poster or something.

00:44:17 Tatum Tricarico

You should answer that question too, Cami.

00:44:20 Cami Marble

ME? I just made a really, like, surprised face that Tatum would ask me a question on my own podcast.  This is a podcast so you can't see the video of this, but that's what just happened.

I think, yeah, kind of the same thing. Like be yourself and you will find your people like you don't have to change yourself or smoosh down your disability. You will find people eventually, and it might not like, it might not be the first people you find, it might not be the people that you think you would be really close with, but there are people out there and you will find them and they will love you for all of you.

Now that we're all crying about disability community. So every podcast episode I end with the same question, and I've already asked Tatum this question so, Jenn, I'm going to ask it to you. The name of the podcast is Disability Belongs. What does disability belongs mean to you?

00:45:20 Jenn Barnes

Well, Disability Belongs means to me that despite the fact that someone has a disability, it doesn't change who they are and everything, and if you can find people who can accept you for who you are, then that's great and everything. And that makes the world a whole better place and everything and all and I think that's all I can think of for that.

00:45:58 Cami Marble

I love that so much! This whole conversation has been so wonderful. It was so great to get to meet you on video, Jenn, even though we didn't meet in person quite yet.

00:46:07 Jenn Barnes

Same here.

00:46:11 Cami Marble

I'm just going to do a quick podcast housekeeping and shout out the podcast Instagram, which is @disability_belongs_podcast and I will link it in the show notes so you don't have to like type that in and get all the spelling correct and everything, but it has been so great to have you here, Jenn and Tatum. I will see you later.

00:46:36 Jenn Barnes

See ya!

00:46:38 Tatum Tricarico

Bye!

00:46:38 Cami Marble

Thank you so much for choosing to listen to the Disability Belongs Podcast. We can't wait for our next episode, and we hope you'll join us then.

[violin music]